The state of things...

...at the present time is less than desirable for me. I'm battling tears more than I care to admit lately, and it's really wearing on my mood per totale. I won't go so far as to say that this is completely resultant from the breakup, but it has certainly compounded since then - and for the most part, the breakup is what started my 'downward spiral' as it's been coined. Fortunately enough, I've started talking with a therapist about all of this. The thing I worry about the most is if they choose to take me off accutane because of all of this. (One side effect of the drug is depression). Again, fortunately enough, I haven't had a history of depression and I have no thoughts of suicide or hurting myself (which is another side effect of accutane). So my therapist is optimistic for me that I may be able to get out of this without the aid of additional drugs. At least she's optimistic for me. I try to be, but it's almost like I've forgotten how to do that. The strangest sensation I've had, and most concerning to me, is how awkward it feels to laugh or smile. That's never been something strange to me - even in the other low times I've experienced in the past, I was able to separate the bad feelings from the good for long enough to feel normal again and laugh.

My current challenges (in no particular order):
1. Getting used to the fact that I'm single, and dealing with the lonliness that I am forced to endure at night.
2. Accepting that Nick and I are likely never going to be a couple again, and that my friendships are more important right now.
3. Trying to cope with only being Nick's friend.
4. Being away from family and very close (best) friends.
5. Gearing up for the lonliness I anticipate when Tim and Jen move away to Kentucky.
6. Sorting out all the stress I face at work, and accepting that even though these times are challenging it will all be worth it in the end.
7. Becoming more confident with myself when it is that I feel up to starting another relationship.
8. Accepting that my past is my past and it can not change, but my future is still up for revision.
9. Trusting not only myself, but my partner in future relationships.
10. Believing that it is actually possible for me to be loved as a girlfriend/wife.
11. Believing that I can get out of this mess I call my emotional-self.

According to my therapist, it is healthy for me to write these things down. Hopefully "type these things down" will suffice.