Here I go again...

...with another break-up saga. Another one bites the dust - or should I say I bite the dust again! As of last night I feel completely destroyed internally. Once again I have lost the ability to trust myself in a relationship for fear that I'll simply be shit on again. There's no end to this in sight for me. I just don't see it possible for me to fall for this act even once more. What's in it for me anyways? A couple of months of happiness followed by months or years of agony and fear that the next one will be just as bad - or in this case worse - than those before it? The bitter truth that no matter what I try to do to show someone that I truely care about him it doesn't matter because he's made up his mind and that's all that will be. No compromise. No attempt even. Where are these guys that my friends are marrying? These perfect, supportive, there-for-you-no-matter-what guys? No matter what he's going through he finds courage and strength in the fact that she will be there for him too. Not just that she's a burden to him as he sorts it all out.

So now I find myself trying to remember all the things I liked about being single - of which none of them come to mind in my misty haze of recollection and hurt. I know I'll survive. One breath after the other. Inhale, exhale, and move on. Get out of bed and go to work. However, the biology of surviving doesn't provide any immediate aid to my emotions. This one I gotta wait out, and cry out.