Thoroughly Confused

Last week I co-hosted some guest speakers from out of town to inform PhD students (from the sciences) about the plethora of career choices available to us after graduation. I have been under the asumption thus far that I really only had a couple of choices - namely working in academia or industry - but who knew there were actually more options than that!? I was shocked by a couple of the speakers - one who works for the government doing scientific policy, and another who works for a law firm doing intellectual property patent law. Another guy came from Nature Publishing Group (NPG) to tell us about his job as an editor for primary literature submissions. According to all of these people who are not currently involved in any form of "wet" research, they have learned so much more about the various scientific fields than they ever did working in a lab!! That fascinates me! As I said, I've been so tunnel visioned lately thinking that my career is practically chosen for me already, who knew I actually have a choice!? The one thing I do know about my future as a scientist is that I want to keep working on the bench for a while - actually doing the experiments I propose. However, I fear that at this point I may be over-qualifying myself by getting my PhD... Never thought I'd feel like a PhD could hurt me. The premise behind this is that theoretically, an industry (which is ultimately where I think I'd like to end up) could hire someone with a bachelor's or master's degree to do the experiments - why should they hire me and pay me more to do something a cheaper employee could do? Thus, I lean towards academia where a PhD can only get you higher, but there's still no guarantee that I'd be working on the bench. At some point I'd have to quit my post-doc (which pays very little) and start working as faculty, and with a faculty position comes more desk-time and less lab-time. I don't want to spend all day writing grants, scrounging around for money and graduate students - not to mention that what they pay in academia is a pittance compared to an industry job. But then again, if I work in industry with the high-paying job topped off with tons of prestige, I'm back to sitting behind a desk or managing a bunch of people in the lab (essentially not doing any experiments). So now I'm thinking about these non-experimental, non-industrial, and non-academic jobs that were described to me last week... Essentially they sound really cool, but as I think about it, these people are sitting behind desks all day too! What's more, according to these career day speakers, I should be looking for a post-doc now... Yes, you read that right, "now" as in I'm still two years away from graduating "now." "Now" as in "have one secured before starting your fifth year in case you need to apply for grant funding" because apparently a lot of post-doc positions require that now. "Now" as in I haven't even started my qualifying exam, but I'm still going to ask people to take me on as a post-doc. Seriously, what have I gotten myself into?!

I guess this all 'comes with the territory' of being a graduate student... "Did I make the right decision?" "Should I keep at this?" "Will it all be worth it in the end?" I know plenty of graduate students in my program and in my building that feel the same way. It's normal (apparently) to go through the "I think I'm quitting grad school" phase at least once a month - and I think this goes up the farther along you get in the program. However, when asked if they regret having gone through this hell, every PhD I've spoken to says they wouldn't trade it for the world - no regrets! Is that enough for me to stay with this?!

I'm definately not quitting grad school (just as a disclaimer to all of you who may be worried at this point). I am however overwhelmed by the amount of work I have yet to go - what I've been through so far doesn't even compare to what is to come! I just went over the grant that I was accepted for - and I forgot how many experiments I proposed! It's going to take at least two years to finish this, but hopefully not more! The scarier part about this is that the experiments proposed in the grant comprise only half of the total experiments that I have yet to do... There's a whole other project that needs attention (maybe two)! This paired with the anxiety I'm feeling about taking my qualifying exam is enough to make me want to quit right now... On the other hand, I talked with Larry today about my qualifying exam, and he advised just to start writing! I'm technically supposed to submit an abstract summarizing my ideas to my committee before I start writing, but he claims that it's highly unlikely that the committee will reject the project. This way, if I start writing now, I can have twice as much time to write as I normally would (hooray for leasurely writing), giving me more time to read and study for the oral examination! As of now I have until the end of July to submit my abstract, which gives me until the end of August to write the grant, then two weeks for the committee to approve it, and finally I have to do the oral examination within four weeks of the approval. That puts me doing my orals at the end of September. Eventhough it's going to be hell on wheels to do this thing I'm actually kind of excited (nerd alert! nerd alert!) to do it. It'll be nice to dive into a topic that's different for a change:) So wish me well, and if anyone has good tips to stay on task while writing I'll take all I can get!!

As for normal life things... Things are well. Fleegle is as cute as ever - and I think he's actually looking better than ever! I started feeding him Science Diet indoor cat formula and he's trimmed right up:) Living with Woody (Josh's cat) had a negative impact on Fleegle's eating habits - as was to be expected since Woody is easily over 20 lbs! Fleegs is so much more affectionate now too, he is so ecstatic to see me whenever I come home and it makes me feel so loved and important... It's a great feeling to come home to, it's like he's never mad at me for leaving for 9-10 hours a day, only happy that I just returned:) What a happy thought.

Speaking of happy thoughts - today's is: the way little birds hop instead of walking or waddling, or when a duck wags its tail and it jiggles its whole butt:)

Okay, enough for one day... My experiment is due to be finished soon and I want to get out of here. According to Larry I broke a scientific 'cardinal rule' - "never start a long experiment on a Friday afternoon!" This is why I love my boss:)